Austria is obviously a very power-full country. The whole world is already drinking Red Bull which was founded by Austrian Dietrich Mateschitz - although I'm not sure which tiny percentage of the world is aware of this fact. What a disgrace. But one brave man and patriot set out to fight for a change in this deplorable situation. And thus a new star has been born on the powerful sky of energy drinks. Forget about Red Bull! Long live "Frank's"!

"Frank's Energy drink" has just been introduced by Austro-Canadian tycoon Frank Stronach. According to the drink's web-page he "came from Austria to Canada with nothing more than a few hundred dollars and a dream to own his own business. Blessed with tremendous natural energy, Frank built his business from scratch, working seventeen hours a day, seven days a week. That business is today one of the largest automotive manufacturers in the world..." (source) The American Dream Made in Canada.

And now Stronach obviously wants to give a bit of "authentic Austrian energy" (as the drink promises) to those Canadians who are unlike himself not blessed with "tremendous natural energy" by virtue of Austrian heritage. Speaking about heritage, "Frank's" marketing philosophy obviously also includes the promotion of knowledge about Austrian history and culture.

I beg you, please check out the webpage:

"Frank's Energy Drink. Authentic Austrian Energy".



My first sentiment?

Ohhhh. Myyyy. Gooood.

Are you kidding me? When I first went to the page I thought it was a satire! This is utterly, entirely ridiculous! If Sunday hadn't passed I'd be convinced this was an April Fool's joke and I'm still not entirely convinced that soon it will be announced everything was just a publicity joke. I mean seriously. This just can not be meant seriously! No. No. No.

I start with the most intrusive element: Sound. Don't forget to turn on speakers before opening the page! The initial yodel. The accordion. The disco beat. In a word: trash! And then this senseless pseudo sexy lyrics with traces of a fake accent "säx siben akt neun ... ausentic Austrian energy". Trash, worst trash (although admittedly not much worse than some things appearing in our charts). Keeps you yodeling all night? I advise you to make a seld-experiment: Open Frank's page and then try to keep on surfing while this song is infinitely repeated in the background. Wow, truly addictive! I can already feel the ausentic Austrian energy in me - which urges me to smash my computer and escape back to my mountain hut where I can live in peaceful harmony with chicken, pigs and goats.

But as much as the page is a questionable pleasure for your ears, as much it is for your eyes. Thanks to the Energy girls, Gretl, Liesl, Heidi, and four others. That idea is so welcoming and personal. Have you noticed, when you move with the curser on their picture they sort of dance for you. How sexy! I must have this drink! But of course it would be superficial and sexist just to stare at these girls. Thank goodness you can also get to know them better, by clicking on their picture. Liesl's favourite Austrian is Arnold Schwarzenegger for example. Heidi's boyfriend calls her little Zwetschgenknoedel (plum dumpling). Sophia loves Apple strudel, "Rock Me Amadeus", and Kitzbühel. Sweet.

But personally I prefer those two girls that are not only good looking but also intelligent and educated. On the one hand Margretta, who is wearing a black dress instead of Lederhosen: Her favourite movie is "Not The Sound of Music! That is so stereotypical." Haha. Thank goodness loving Wiener Schnitzel and playing accordion (girly, it's accordion not accordian) all night long is not stereotypical. And on the other hand Katia who clearly has a vision. What she longs for? "Mostly world peace and the end of climate change. Sometimes, I long for the return of the Hapsburg Dynasty." Katia, Katia. As a true Austrian you should know that the return of the Habsburg Dynasty actually equals world peace. But that's OK. I can give you some private lessons in Austrian ausenticy!

Seriously, I'd die for representing Austria on Frank's page as well. Yet there's a pressing question on my mind: The girls are wearing lederhosen, so if Energy boys are introduced, will they be wearing Dirndl dresses?

Anyway, I stop this rant now.

As a conclusion one thing is undeniable: We Austrians certainly have a sense of humour. Whether this page is the Styrian or Alpine version of the famous Viennese humour ("Wiener Schmäh"), or a superb piece of deliberate self-irony, or a manifestation of the Austrian ability to unconsciously expose ourselves to ridicule - I am not sure.

Go Frank, go!